


Season 16, Time For A Wedding!

by LinaRai



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Chaos, Crack, Flirting, John Winchester Bashing, M/M, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Post-Finale, Weddings, just pure chaos, some other background relationships too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:46:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29315058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinaRai/pseuds/LinaRai
Summary: Dean and Castiel are inviting you to share in their celebration of marriage.+ Dinner and reception after!Whoever wasn't expecting chaos had clearly never met the Winchesters.[Chapters being uploaded once a week.]
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak
Comments: 37
Kudos: 62





	1. The One With The Invite

**Author's Note:**

> All the wedding posting had me planning a whole fic... and here we are!  
> Big thank you to all the lovely people in the Hell and Destiel Daily News servers as well as some of y'all on tumblr that helped me come up with this crack. If you want to join in, my tumblr is [@fanfic-corner](https://fanfic-corner.tumblr.com/)!

[ **You've got an invite!** ](https://fanfic-corner.tumblr.com/post/644400043895439360)

**_Dean_** _and **Castiel** are inviting you to share in their celebration of marriage._

_Sunday, February 14th, 2021_

_3 O'clock P.M._

_Harvelle's Roadhouse_

_Heaven_

_+dinner and reception after!_


	2. The One With The Preparation

If you weren’t expecting chaos at the wedding, then you had never met the Winchesters. 

Still, that didn’t hold up as an excuse against a fairly annoyed Ellen Harvelle, when a rumpled and out of breath Charlie and Jo arrive at the Roadhouse to get dressed a full forty seven minutes later than they are supposed to.

“Joanna Beth, _where_ have you been?” she demands, her eyebrows practically disappearing off the top of her head when the two girls sheepishly push open the heavy double doors of the bar.

“Sorry, Ms H! We slept in,” Charlie beams, apparently too excited about the wedding to notice her wild bedhead.

Ellen doesn’t move from her stance, arms still folded skeptically across her chest. “Both of you?”

Neither of them respond, but Jo’s blush answers for them. The room is deadly silent for an uncomfortably long minute, the creak of the old wooden floors the only sound to ease the awkwardness.

“UNO!” Kaia yells, starting everyone. She scratches the back of her neck, gesturing at the pack of cards between her and Alex. “Sorry. It’s the first game I’ve won all morning.”

“Who says you won?” Alex replies calmly, placing down a +4 card with a practiced yawn. “Uno.” 

“I hate you,” Kaia grumbles, but the game is over within a minute, and Jody arrives to usher them into their bridesmaid dresses before another one can start. They’re a pale blue, to fit with the unofficial blue and green theme, and hover elegantly off their shoulders.

“Oh, girls,” Donna coos when she sees them, Charlie giving her a little dramatic twirl. “You look gorgeous!”

{o0o}

As beautiful as the dresses are, they are also the reason why Claire declined being a bridesmaid - _“I would rather eat a brick that wear one of those,”_ \- who is instead decked out in a fitted suit and a bowtie, sitting cross-legged on the floor of the kitchen with Kevin. He passes the bottle of whiskey back to her wordlessly, wiping his mouth with his suit sleeve.

The doors open with a loud _clunk,_ and Claire quickly slides the bottle under the cabinet with practiced stealth. “There you are,” Sam announces when he sees them, an eager Jack at his heels.

“What’s up?” Claire asks, hoping that he doesn’t notice that they’re both slightly tipsy.

“Would you mind looking after Jack today? I’ve just got to make sure Dean and Cas actually get there on time. And Eileen-”

“Sure,” Kevin agrees, and Sam breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Thank you so much,” he grins, already walking away. “Gotta go write my speech!”

As soon as he’s out of sight, Claire glares at Kevin, who just shrugs. “How hard can it be?” he whispers, one hand scrabbling behind them for the bottle. “He’s basically God, right?”

_He has a point,_ Claire decides, so she simply takes a large swig of alcohol before turning to face the kid. “What’cha wanna do while we wait?”

{o0o}

By the time all their hair and makeup is finished at Charlie, Jody and Donna’s hands, guests are already starting to hover outside. Ellen goes to hang around outside, making sure no one goes in before all the decorations are up and ensuring there are no party crashers, hissing at them to get the decorations up as quickly as possible.

There’s a flurry of activity after that; it’s all hands on deck to get the Roadhouse ready in time. There’s still an hour or so before the ceremony is supposed to start, but they’ll have to let the guests in at some point or another, so the faster they can dress the place up the better. It’s all of emerald green and ocean blue; Kaia and Jody blow up balloons until they feel like they might pass out (it’s heaven, surely that can’t happen?), Charlie and Donna hang streamers from every available rafter, and Jo arranges the fold out chairs with a speed that probably would be frightening if anyone was actually paying attention.

Sometime after the last chair has been set out and the last balloon has been tied, Mary squeezes through the small gap in the door that Ellen allows, carrying a huge tinfoiled-covered tray under each arm. 

“Okay, what is that and when can I eat it?” Charlie begs, wobbling dangerously on the stepladder to get a better sniff, “Because it smells delicious!”

“Winchester Surprise,” Mary answers, already on her way to the kitchen. “I can’t cook much, but Dean requested it specifically, and I’m not one to disappoint!”

“What happened to your hands?” Alex asks worriedly, but Mary has already disappeared out of earshot.

Ellen sticks her head round the door, taking in the transformation of her beloved bar. “Jeez, you guys coulda told me you were done!” she complains, but there’s a wide grin on her face.

“Sorry ma,” Jo apologises, shooing Charlie off the stepladder and hiding it behind the bar. “You can let people in now.”

Ellen rolls her eyes but complies, swinging the doors open wide to those waiting outside, waving all the Winchester’s guests in with a smile. Everyone was there; from people they had only really met once, to family, to long lost friends (there were benefits of hosting a wedding in Heaven when your kid is God). 

The party was about to begin.

{o0o}

“What do you mean ‘you lost the kid’?” Claire says with exasperation, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Kevin shuffles his feet uncomfortably, throwing his arms in the air. “I don’t know! He was here one minute, I turn around, he’s gone!”

“I leave you alone for two seconds,” she mutters, dragging a hand over her face. They had one job - look after the stupid fucking child God - and they had managed to fail before the ceremony had even started.

“You look inside, I’ll check outside?” Kevin suggests, and Claire shrugs, not able to come up with a better option.

A quick sweep reveals the kitchen and bathrooms to be empty, so she decides to check upstairs before braving the main room. There’s nothing up there, either, other than the overwhelming smell of hairspray and a general makeup-related clutter that Ellen is definitely gonna kick someone’s ass for later. By the time she makes it downstairs, the guests have already been let in, so Claire has to duck her way past demons, angels, and hunters alike before she finds Kaia.

“Hey sunshine, you seen Jack?” she asks, still skimming the crowd for any sign of him.

“No?” Kaia replies, eyebrows raised.

Claire sighs. “Never mind.” She drops a kiss to the top of Kaia’s head, taking a second to appreciate how cute she looks in her bridesmaid dress, before going out the front to find Kevin.

“Heard you’ve lost Jack?” Donna remarks cheerily, popping out from nowhere and scaring the life out of Claire.

“Uh, not _lost,_ exactly-”

“Claire!” Kevin interrupts, jogging over and waving dramatically, nephilim in tow. “He went to get the rings from Eileen.”

“Thank God,” Claire snorts, smirking at her own joke and wondering when her life got quite this weird.

Now, all they gotta do is make sure they don’t lose him again before the actual wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am writing this later than I should be but I am desperate for the first proper chapter to go up, so thank you so much to Taia for beta-ing, otherwise this would be one huge puddle of probably unreadable goo :)


	3. The One With The Arrivals

Dean Winchester’s wedding… if he was being completely honest, Bobby never thought he would see the day. In the end, he guesses he didn’t _live_ to see it, exactly, but this is as good as it’s gonna get, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“You good with getting Dean there on time?” Sam asks for the millionth time, hovering by the door.

“The same answer as the last twenty times ya asked,” he grumbles in reply. “Now get outta here, or you’ll miss the damn thing.”

Sam nods, shoots him a nervous but grateful smile, and then disappears after his girl. If everything goes right, they won’t see him again until he is standing at the end of the aisle. Bobby’s vaguely aware that he should be surprised Sam can legally officiate a wedding, but there’s a big chance that absolutely nothing at this wedding is gonna be legal, and nothing his boys do or say can surprise him at this point. He’s pretty sure he lost his ability to be shocked after Dean casually mentioned killing Hitler.

“I don’t get it,” Dean announces, abruptly swinging the bathroom door open. “Why can’t I see Cas again?”

Bobby shrugs. “Tradition.”

“Tradition’s just peer pressure from dead people,” Dean mumbles, and Bobby raises an eyebrow.

“You gettin’ ready or what?”

Rolling his eyes, Dean slams the door shut again, disappearing to have another nervous breakdown or whatever else was taking the idjit so damn long.

{o0o}

Gabriel had been to a great many events, and yet somehow the crowd at Dean and Castiel’s wedding was one of the weirdest selections of guests he has ever experienced. It was like someone had put the names of everyone they had ever met into a hat and drawn them at random; half the people had been dead for at least a decade, and the other half weren’t human (plus, there the select few that managed to fit into both categories). It was rare that an event had both the Queen of Hell, an archangel, God, and a load of salty old hunters, but it was the Winchesters, and he expected nothing less.

When he found himself perched on a pristine folding chair in between the demon Meg and the angel Balthazar, however, an idea popped into his head.

“Hey, Bal, haven’t seen you in… an eon,” he begins, sending his signature charming smile. “And Meg, I’ve heard plenty about you.”

“All bad, I hope,” she drawls in return, offering him a hand.

He takes it, grinning. “I hear our hosts aren't huge fans.”

She shrugs. “So what if I killed them? It was a decade ago, move on.”

“And Bal, I hear our groom himself was the one who offed you?”

Balthazar raises an eyebrow, clearly not interested in Gabe’s attempt at starting trouble. “Cassie apologised for that. Besides, that was ages ago. I moved on.”

Even Gabriel has to admit that was smooth. Maybe he didn’t give his baby brothers as much credit as he should; apparently neither of them were going to fall for the old stirring-the-pot trick. 

“Well, aren’t you two a pair,” he replies with a smirk. “A match made in Heaven, one could say.”

Meg and Balthazar exchange a loaded glance and Gabe laughs inwardly. How are the fools falling for his trick this easily?

“Maybe so,” Balthazar responds, their eyes never leaving each other. It’s only funny for a minute; the longer past the sixty second mark it gets, the more uncomfortable it is for everyone.

“I’m gonna find a drink,” Gabe mutters, winking as he excuses himself. 

{o0o}

Bobby had spent the majority of his life handling one idiot or another but that didn’t mean he was patient enough - or sober enough - to be dealing with Dean’s stupidity today. Sure, it was the boy’s wedding day, but that doesn’t mean he gets a free pass. 

“Dean, I swear if you don’t exit that bathroom within the next thirty seconds I’m gonna leave without you,” he yells, banging his fist on the door for good measure.

The door swings open aggressively, Dean managing to glare at him while still fidgeting with his bow tie. “I look stupid.”

Bobby doesn’t respond for a second, suddenly overwhelmed with pride. Dean is decked out in a handsome white suit, his hair slicked back and an emerald green flower pinned over his heart. 

“That bad, huh?” Dean mumbles, ducking back in the bathroom to run a hand over his hair again.

Bobby shakes his head, his voice gruffer than usual. “Just never thought I’d see the day. Now come on, ya idjit, or you’re never gonna get hitched.”

Dean’s grin widely as he shoulders the hunter on the way out. “You gettin’ sentimental, old man?”

“Shuddup,” he replies, shoving the groom out the door and towards the bar. He’s struck with a sudden sense of appreciation that he got to look after these two boys. They may have gone through a metric ton of shit, but they were still smiling through it as always, and without having helped them through it, he would never have the privilege of walking this idjit down the aisle. 

Maybe, in the end, all the good stuff really did outweigh the bad.

{o0o}

Gabriel quickly discovers that - even though they’re in a bar - there is absolutely no way he is getting his hands on anything even remotely alcoholic before the reception starts. He had fought in cosmic battles and faced things that most humans couldn’t even imagine but Ellen Harvelle could be downright _terrifying_ when she wanted to be. Which was a shame, because there was no way he was going to get through the rest of the ceremony stuck in between an angel and a demon making goo goo eyes at each other.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna swap seats?” he offered again in desperation.

“Nah,” Meg replies, biting her lip suggestively at Balthazar.

Gabriel turns around in his chair, urgently needing a distraction. Not everyone is here yet; Hell, not even _half_ the chairs are filled yet, so why the former King and current Queen of Hell have to be sitting directly behind him, he’s not sure. 

“Hello, dear,” Rowena greets him, elbowing her son in the side to get him to turn around and mumble an introduction. “How have you been?”

“Dead,” he deadpans, getting a snort from Crowley. 

“Haven’t we all?” he grumbles.

Rowena bats her eyelashes and - as much as they did have fun before his sudden and untimely death last time - Gabriel decides he can’t stomach any more flirting right now, so he quickly turns back around and distracts himself by taking in the decoration instead. He definitely could have done better, but the place does look marginally better when dressed up, and he has to hand it to whoever decorated the place; they clearly know how to use a staple gun.

A few more guests arrive before he spots Sam and Eileen’s conversation by the door.

_Grooms are on the way,_ she signs and Sam grins.

Time to get this show on the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! this is just a bit of a filler chapter, but don't worry, there's plenty of mayhem left to come :)


	4. The One With The Disappearing Rings

It’s nearly go time when Donna asks Alex to fetch the confetti cannons from where they have been stashed in the kitchen. She can’t help but linger after she finds them, the smell from the assorted covered food absolutely amazing. Everyone seemed to have pitched in; there were Mary’s Winchester Surprises, Jody had mashed enough potatoes to feed an army, at least six different flavoured pies, and there was an assortment of other dishes that she didn’t dare uncover.

What grabs her attention, however, is the cake in the center. It has three layers; the bottom one iscoloured green, with little icing figures of Dean, Cas, Sam, Jack and Eileen at the bottom, next to a cute little version of Baby. The second is coloured ocean blue, and is decorated with little pictures of guns and machetes and angel blades and a smushed brown splodge which she’s pretty sure is Jack’s attempt at a trench coat. The top is the main attraction; there is a huge red handprint in the middle, surrounded by the words, _“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition,”_ in neat cursive.

In fact, she’s so distracted by trying to read the icing - it’s a pretty random thing to write on the top of a wedding cake but she assumes there’s some meaning behind it - that she doesn’t notice the way one of the confetti cannons twists in her hand until it explodes with a deafening _bang!_

“Oh shit,” she whispers, eyes wide as she realises the entire cake is covered in confetti.

It’s at this moment that Jo decides to make an entrance, apparently also interested in scouting out the food options for later. “Whatcha up to?” she asks, shoving a stolen chip in her mouth before coming to a sudden halt when she sees the mess. 

“Please help me clean up,” Alex begs, and Jo nods, already moving.

“Go give those to Jody so she has no reason to come after you,” Jo instructs, gesturing at the confetti cannons, “And then come back and help me pick this off.”

“Thank you so much,” she agrees, sending one last horrified look at the mess before rushing to go find her mom. Hopefully, they can clean up before anyone realises anything is even wrong. She can’t imagine the reaction that the wedding cake suddenly becoming inedible would get, but she’d rather not find out.

{o0o}

Claire didn’t regret many things, but she was having second thoughts about getting tipsy and then agreeing to babysit the most powerful being in creation. In fact, she was starting to realise exactly why Sam had asked them to look after him in the first place; the kid may have done a good job reforming Heaven or whatever but he clearly still acted like an actual three year old, even if he looked like he was in his twenties.

Currently, they were distracting him by taking turns pushing him on a swing set that he had conjured up around the back of the Roadhouse. Ash watches them from the back door, amused, as he grinds his cigarette into the ground with a smile. 

“We should be getting paid for this,” Kevin grumbles, stretching his arm out as he swaps over with Claire. 

“We’ve just gotta keep him distracted ‘til the ceremony. Then we can unleash him on the crowd,” Claire responds, pushing Jack with a little extra force. “Where are the rings, by the way?”

Eileen had handed the rings over when Jack had gone on his adventure earlier; they looked almost like they were half made out of wood, the other side a gorgeous engraved iron. Like many things the Winchesters owned, they were practical - they could open a bottle and ward off ghosts simultaneously - but they were also gorgeous. Claire was almost jealous; whoever had decided on the rings had clearly chosen well.

Of course, if she ever got married - and wasn’t that a thought - she wouldn’t have wood looking rings. She’d have something classy, she decides. Nothing flashy - she would know how much she loved the other person, and she didn’t need to wave it in people’s faces for validation - and the life she led meant that it also probably wouldn’t be expensive. 

Her mind wanders, as she pushes Jack higher and higher, and she wonders if Kaia ever would be down to marry her. It was a nice thought, and she lets herself dream about what that future would look like for a minute.

“I thought you had them?” Kevin replies, eyebrows raised, and suddenly there are much more pressing matters at hand.

“No?” she says, turning to face him. “What do you mean you don’t have them?”

Kevin’s eyes widen in panic. “Where are they then?”

Claire considers this for a second and comes to the conclusion that there is only one other person who could have them. “Jack, sweetie, where are Dean and Cas’ wedding rings?”

Jack looks up at her innocently, the swing coming to a stop. “I ate them.”

{o0o}

As it turns out, it’s surprisingly difficult to keep the many adults hovering about the place out of the kitchen while they try and clean up the confetti. Jo is delicately picking the coloured bits of paper of the cake, biting her lip in concentration, while Alex deals with the rest of it. She managed to sweep most of it up quite quickly, but there is still some on the table of food and on the floor. 

“Alex? Jo? You girls still in there?” Mary calls, knocking on the door. 

Alex and Jo share a panicked look. “Yeah, just one sec!” Alex replies, waving her hands at Jo desperately and shoving the full dustpan under the kitchen counter. “Hi?” she asks, only slightly out of breath, opening the door just a crack.

Mary raises an eyebrow. “You girls okay in there?”

“Yep!” Alex squeaks. “Just, uh…” 

She shoots a despairing look back at Jo, who just shrugs.

“We… didn’t want anyone to eat the food before they were supposed to?”

“...Right,” Mary responds incredulously. “Well, if you need any help, you know where to find me.”

The door shuts with a creak behind her, and Alex breathes a dramatic sigh of relief, before continuing the monumental task of cleaning up the kitchen. Granted, she had only met the Winchesters a handful of times, but she knew that they definitely deserved a nice day, and she was _not_ going to be the one to ruin it.

“Nearly done?” she asks Jo, who snorts.

“Nowhere near.”

Alex glances up at the kitchen clock. “Well, we’re walking down the aisle with them in half an hour. Think we can manage it?”

Jo’s back straightens and she cracks her knuckles with a grin. “Have you met me? ‘Course we can make it.”

{o0o}

It had taken way longer than they had, but Claire and Kevin had managed to convince Jack to push himself on the swing for long enough for them to have an emergency meeting on how to rescue the wedding rings from his intestines.

“Heimlich maneuver?” Claire asks, rubbing her face in her hands. 

Kevin doesn’t look up from where he’s lying on the floor. “Really not how that works.” 

“Sorry I suggested it, Jesus.”

They are silent for a moment as they come to the same conclusion.

“He’s gonna have to puke them up, isn’t he?” Kevin says, disgust lacing his tone.

Claire sighs. “Yup.”

Kevin cracks one eye open to squint over at where the kid is swinging happily, kicking his legs enthusiastically as he climbs higher and higher. “I think I have an idea.”

{o0o}

Alex is out of breath from her vigorous sweeping when she finally asks, “Is that it?”

“Think so,” Jo replies, chucking the bin bag in the trash slightly more forcefully than what is required. “Maybe give me the confetti cannons for later, huh?”

Alex smiles sheepishly. “Probably a good idea. And thanks, by the way.”

Jo smirks. “Couldn’t have done it without ya.”

{o0o}

If anyone is curious, apparently it takes roughly an entire sweet shop worth of sugar to get God to throw up. So, it’s probably lucky he’s God in the first place, or fuck knows where they would have gotten all the candy from.

Claire didn’t say this about people often, but Kevin really was smart. For such a well behaved kid, there was nothing Jack loved more than sweets, and they really capitalised on that. Sam and Cas must not give him nearly enough sugar because as soon as the word “chocolate” was out of their mouths there were already three bars in front of them.

The only downside of Kevin’s plan was that for the kid to eat enough to throw up, so did they. Claire didn’t think she had ever eaten this much in her life, chocolate or not, and she was dangerously close to following in the kid’s footsteps as he retched in the grass. It’s her punishment, she supposes, for letting him eat the stupid fucking rings in the first place.

“D’you see them yet?” she groans, not moving from where she is sprawled out in the grass.

“I don’t think… Oh, wait, no - yeah, there’s one.”

Jack gags a few more times, Kevin rubbing his back absentmindedly as he sorts through the vomit with a stick. “Come on, buddy, just one more…”

There’s an alarmingly loud retch, then a thunk, before Kevin yells, “Got it!” He holds up his hand triumphantly, two puke-covered rings on display, and Claire lets her head flop back onto the ground.

“You go clean them. I’m watching Jack.”

“Sure,” Kevin responds drily, but he gets up anyway, crisis averted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this came out a bit later than expected - I've been really busy, and it was my birthday yesterday! I originally planned to finish this fic before Valentine's but I see that that is definitely not gonna happen now, so I'm going to do my best to post 2 chapters a week until I finish! I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> (Also, I didn't proofread this in the slightest and it is like midnight, so if you see any errors please tell me!!)


	5. The One With The Explosion

What makes a wedding special? Is it the happy couple, the food, the decoration? The guests? And who gives a wedding meaning? Is it the grooms, or the people attending? 

Crowley isn’t sure, but there is one thing he _is_ sure about: it’s the perfect occasion to cause some problems.

{o0o}

Charlie weaves in and out of the guests, ducking past a mixture of familiar and unfamiliar faces, only pausing for a second in her quest when she spots a vaguely familiar red-headed woman who has apparently decided that the grooms won’t be the only one in white. Wrapping her arms tightly around her special contraption - which she has nicknamed “Charlie’s Very Special Totally Awesome Glitter Cannon” (she has absolutely no idea why the name hasn’t caught on yet) - she prays with every jostle that it doesn’t go off. Sure, she had spent _ages_ on ensuring that it would go off when she pressed the right button on her laptop, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a chance (a significantly large chance, actually) that it wouldn’t go off in her arms and coat the whole Roadhouse in glitter.

At least she hasn’t said, “There’s nothing that could go wrong,” yet.

“Need any help?” Kaia offers, popping up from behind the bar and making her nearly lose her grip on the bomb. Kaia watches her fumble with it with an amused smirk, waiting patiently for her response.

Charlie considers her offer for a moment. “Yeah, maybe. I think I’m going to take this upstairs, but it’s practically impossible to get past all the people!”

Kaia grins. “I’ve got two elbows for a reason.”

“Well then, brave paladin,” Charlie replies with a smile, trying her best to bow without causing an accidental explosion. “Your battleground awaits.”

{o0o}

Crowley has a plan. He used to be the King of Hell - and wasn’t that a thing, to find out that his own stupid mother was Queen now - so he always had a plan. This one would either end in tears (not his), the wedding being called off, or a… _fun_ evening, if you catch his drift.

The first stage of his plan involved observing the other guests, to see who he could get on his side to help him cause chaos. Not that they would know they had been roped into his cunning scheme, that is. His eyes wandered around the room, searching the face of each person and calculating what kind of problems they could help him cause.

Gabriel, for example, could always be relied upon to cause some kind of mayhem, since his ego meant he couldn’t be out of the spotlight for more than five minutes at a time, never mind the duration of a whole wedding. Meg was a no-go, unless he was desperate and wanted to start a fist fight, and besides, she was busy flirting with Balthazar anyway. His mother was apparently doing her damned best to talk his ears off. How she hadn’t noticed that he was just giving noncommittal responses in the right places, he wasn’t sure.

Then, Crowley spotted his opportunity. There, sitting just two rows behind them, was a certain ex of Dean’s. A certain vampire ex, who everyone knew Castiel hated.

_Perfect._

{o0o}

Kaia, Charlie had to admit, wasn’t lying when she said she was skilled with her elbows. Even in a sleeveless dress and all dolled up, she cut her way through the crowd with a terrifying glare and her pointed jabs. It was a mere matter of minutes before they made it up the stairs, where Charlie let out a dramatic sigh of relief.

“Good work, soldier,” she congratulated, raising a tired arm to salute before she had even really processed what she was doing.

Kaia lunges, but it’s too late. Time seems to move in slow motion as they both watch the glitter cannon fall through empty space, hitting the carpet with a deafening _bang_ and sending a billion miniscule, shiny pieces of green and blue everywhere.

Kaia picks herself up from the carpet, looking at Charlie in horror. The entire room is coated in a fine layer of sparkles, but that’s not the worst of it. Both of them are also covered from head to toe in the stuff, and it’s not gonna be fun trying to get it all out before the ceremony.

“How long have we got?” Charlie asks, worrying her lip.

Kaia shrugs, still looking startled. “Uh, half an hour, absolute tops?”

Charlie eyes the mess, looking around the room at the damage. “Shit.”

{o0o}

It only takes the offer of smuggled alcohol for Benny to immediately warm up to the former King of Hell, and Crowley is surprised by how charming he is. He would feel bad about using him to cause problems when he seems genuinely happy for the special couple, but he was Crowley. He didn’t care.

They exchange stories about how they know the grooms - apparently the poor schmuck was stuck with Dean for a full _year_ \- as they drink, and Benny seems to truly care about both of them as he explains Dean’s insistence on finding Cas before they left Purgatory.

“Heartwarming,” Crowley mutters under his breath as Benny excuses himself. On paper, he was his best bet - what better revenge could he get than the exes hooking up? - but he was going to have to come up with an alternate strategy, because there was no way in Hell he could continue dealing with a man who was so honestly pleased that Dean and Cas were getting married.

His eyes skim the room again, and this time they land on the young woman whose mother owned the bar. Crowley couldn’t remember her name, but wasn’t Meg responsible for her death? Filled with glee at the new option, he saunters across the room to start a conversation.

“Crowley,” he announces, extending a hand. “King of Hell.”

The woman looks him up and down, somehow managing to look threatening while in her bridesmaid dress. “Jo. And Hell’s run by a woman now, buddy.”

Crowley rolls his eyes. “I was in charge long before mother got her grubby hands on my throne.”

Jo stands there, staring at him, her hands on her hips. “Do you want something, or…?”

“Just wanted to ask something,” he recovers. “Isn’t that the demon who killed you and your mother?”

Jo follows his line of sight and her jaw clenches when she spots Meg, but she takes a deep breath and turns to look back at him, a challenge in her eyes. “Yep. And?”

He shrugs. “Nothing.”

She sighs. “Full offense, but I can already tell you’re a dick by the fact you’re wearing a white suit, so unless you want something other than to stir drama, please get lost.”

“Fine,” he huffs, storming back off to the bar so he can survey the room again. _What happened to good, old-fashioned politeness?_ he wonders as he strolls back over, his mind wandering over his remaining possibilities. In fact, he is so wrapped up in his own evil schemes that he doesn’t even notice the woman running past in front of him.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” she gushes, hands already roaming over him to check if he’s okay. “I’m so clumsy, I didn’t even see you!”

“It’s fine,” he grits out through clenched teeth, and it’s that moment that he realises his entire front is covered in red wine.

“Here, let me get you cleaned up,” she offers, already dragging him towards the kitchen. “I’m Becky, by the way.”

“Crowley,” he responds tersely.

Becky grabs a towel and starts dabbing at him, which - seemingly much to her surprise - does absolutely nothing, but she continues anyway. “So, how do you know the Winchester boys, Crowley?”

“I used to be the King of Hell,” he deadpans. “And I made a deal with Castiel, as well as convincing Dean to take the Mark of Cain. In the end I killed myself to save them.”

Becky stares at him, hesitating mid-wipe. “Woah.”

“What about you?” he asks, not at all interested.

“Oh, I married Sam briefly. I went to therapy and started a family and made my living off writing fanfiction about them, and then God killed me.”

Crowley raises an eyebrow as he slides out of his suit jacket. “Huh.” 

“Sorry about your jacket,” Becky apologises, scratching the back of her neck.

Crowley just lets out a long-suffering sigh as he turns to take his seat before the ceremony starts. “It’s fine, I’ll just leave it off.”

Luckily, he doesn’t catch Becky high-five Jody and Ellen, or he might have caught onto their plot a little faster.

{o0o}

Apparently, Charlie and Kaia work excellently under stress. They immediately dismissed cleaning the room - there was nowhere near enough time for that, they would either do it later or get caught and still have to do it later - but even the task of removing the glitter from their person was incredibly difficult.

Luckily, Charlie hadn’t gone to comic con every year since she was eighteen and become the Queen of Moondoor for nothing, so they had a plan all laid out. Unfortunately, there was no way they could go downstairs looking like this, so they were going to have to find someone else to grab the tape for them, and they needed someone who wouldn’t rat on them.

Kaia tried calling Claire, but there was no response. There was also no response from Alex or Jo, which wiped out the entirety of their bridesmaid crew.

“We could try Rowena?” Kaia suggests, running a hand through her glitter covered hair.

“The gossip Queen of Hell?” Charlie retorts, and Kaia sags into the chair she’s plopped herself in.

In the end, their brave hero that comes to their rescue is none other than a very lost and confused dude who looks eerily like Cas. The only reason Charlie doesn’t actually _call_ him Cas is the name tag he is wearing over his chest; _‘My Name Is Jimmy.”_

“Hey, uh… Jimmy,” Charlie says while Kaia’s mouth flops open and closed as she tries to process Cas’ secret twin. “Could you do me a favour?”

He looks her up and down, peeping past her to see the mayhem of the room she is struggling to block. “Sure, but can you help me find someone?”

“Absolutely! Grab us all the tape you can find and then we can talk.”

Jimmy reappears a few minutes later with three rolls of tape, asking, “Is this enough?”

“Oh, Jimmy, you’re my new bestie,” she beams, grabbing them off him and tossing one to Kaia. They get to work carefully attaching the tape to their dresses and then ripping it off, effectively making their own lint rollers. “So, who ya looking for?”

He shifts uncomfortably. “My daughter. I haven’t seen her in years, and I’m a little nervous. I don’t think I was the best to her.”

Charlie pauses her frantic attack on her dress to study him, and she sees genuine regret on his face. “Look, I’m sure you can make it right. And even if you can’t, she probably deserves an apology at least.”

He nods, fidgeting with the badge over his chest. “I was just never there for her, and then I left her altogether… I know Cas is a good guy and all, but I never should have said yes to being his vessel. For Claire’s sake.”

Kaia’s neck snaps up so quickly Charlie is surprised she doesn’t have whiplash, and her knuckles go white as she tightens her grip on her roll of tape. “Claire?”

Jimmy’s eyes light up. “Claire Novak? Do you know her?”

Even Charlie stops cleaning up her dress now, her mouth open wide as she exchanges a look with Kaia. The poor girl is practically shaking, and that’s the moment Charlie realises that she is trying to decide whether or not to out her girlfriend.

“Yes,” Charlie quickly interrupts, jumping in to save Kaia. “I’ve never met her, but apparently she’s one hell of a badass.”

“Really? Do you know where I can find her?”

Charlie goes back to removing the glitter, praying that it will hide her face enough so that Jimmy can’t tell she’s lying. “Uh, I think she’s busy right now and I’m not sure where she’ll be, but you’ll see her after the ceremony, certainly.”

Jimmy deflates, and Charlie almost feels bad for him. “Alright. I’m gonna go get my seat then, thanks for all your help.”

They watch him leave. As soon as he is out of earshot, Charlie turns to Kaia and grabs her shoulders. “Does Claire know he’s here?”

“I don’t think so,” Kaia responds, equally nervous. 

Charlie looks her up and down. “You’re mostly clean. Go find her, I think she’s outside with Jack and Kevin.”

“Are you sure?” Kaia asks, even though she’s already moving.

“‘Course I am! Go warn your girlfriend,” she says, yanking the door open and bowing as she exits. “Good luck on your quest, young paladin!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay in posting! I was really struggling to post this chapter, and then I read the advice that you should change your font to comic sans and it cures writer's block... and it actually worked. So that was an experience. Anyway, I plan on finishing this even though Chad and Samantha tried their hardest to ruin it (they can't beat people who were called crazy for 12 years, although it was an experience to be queerbaited 3 months after the show ended). I promise the actual ceremony is the next chapter!! Thank you for reading <3


	6. The One With The Actual Wedding

Bobby Singer isn’t nervous. He doesn’t get nervous. He had defeated monsters and been killed by Lucifer himself (among other things), why on earth would a little wedding make him nervous? 

If anyone thought he was snappier than normal, he could simply blame it on having to be near Dean for the entire day. Bobby was not nervous, but the poor kid was an absolute _wreck._

They’re standing outside the Roadhouse. Everyone else is already inside, everything will be ready to go in only a few minutes. Bobby rubs his hand over his face and drums up patience he has never had, and turns to Dean with a gruff smile on his face.

“You good?” he asks, eyeing the way the boy is practically vibrating.

Dean doesn’t stop fidgeting with his tie. “Yes. No. I don’t know, Bobby!”

Bobby sighs. “D’ya want to marry your angel, or not?”

“Of course I do!” Dean responds immediately. “It’s just… what if he doesn’t want to marry me?”

“Remind me who proposed to who again?”

“Shut up. I just mean…” Dean trails off, his hand finally stilling as the noise from inside the Roadhouse goes quiet. The thunk of the back door opening in the distance makes Dean jump like he is being electrocuted, and Bobby rolls his eyes. “I don’t wanna end up like one of those grumpy old couples, y’know?”

“You already act like an old married couple, ya idjit,” Bobby replies, “So d’ya want to make it official or not?”

Dean nods once, a jerky movement, and Bobby finally gives in and slaps the boy's hands away from his suit, leaning over to actually fix his bow tie. He claps his hands over Dean’s shoulders just as the bridesmaids round the corner, chattering excitedly.

“We’re all good to go!” Charlie beams, looking Dean up and down in his suit with a grin. “Ooh, a bow tie! Bow ties are cool.”

Bobby waits until Dean meets his eyes before saying, “Good luck, kid,” and then the doors swing open.

{o0o}

Vampires are easy, Dean knows. Give him a machete any day of the week, and he knows exactly what to do. He can decapitate a nest of vamps without a second thought, without even breaking a sweat.

Getting married to the love of his life, however, is proving to be a little more nerve wracking.

It’s too late to back out now, though, since the Roadhouse doors are already wide open and there are a hundred familiar faces turning to look at him. Dean only registers a few on the back row - Ash and Becky and Meg and Balthazar - before his eyes land on Cas, and his heart decides to stop altogether. 

He’s wearing a suit, like he has for nearly twelve years, but it still manages to take Dean’s breath away. It’s black, the opposite of Dean’s white (he had complained about not being the bride in this situation, until Sam had finally interjected with, “Will you please give the performative masculinity a break, Jesus,”) and his hair is slicked back with expertise that Dean knew had not come from the angel. They lock eyes from across the room, their extended family and friends sitting between them but entirely invisible to their eyes, and Dean cracks a grin for the first time that day.

Charlie had been in charge of the music, which means Dean is half expecting the Imperial March as he walks down the aisle and is surprised when, instead, the first few notes of Can’t Fight This Feeling play. When he turns to her in disbelief, she simply waggles her eyebrows at him and gives him a gentle shove through the doors. (It also strikes him that she has quite a lot of glitter in her hair, but he decides now isn’t the best time to ask.)

Dean genuinely can’t believe he’s here. Even when he was younger, he wasn’t sure if he believed in his dream of an apple pie life. But here he is, about to marry the love of his life and spend the rest of eternity with him. And sure, it won’t be perfect, but it’ll be damn close.

Plus, they did have at least 2.5 kids, so maybe he was a bit closer to the American Dream than he had imagined.

He’s surprised his legs managed to carry him all the way to the makeshift altar, but there he is, swallowing around a lump in his throat as he locks eyes with Cas. It used to be so rare to see him smile as openly as this, and Dean doesn’t know how he lived without that grin. 

Sam clears his throat to grab their attention, and a titter goes through the audience.

“I can’t complain,” Sam begins, “Their entire relationship is built off eye sex.”

Cas shoots a glare at Sam, but Dean just laughs. He’s not wrong.

“Anyway, this wedding is going to be anything but legal - I don’t think a possessed corpse and a dude who legally died twice will be getting a marriage certificate anytime soon - but we’re gonna try and stick to tradition. So, if anyone believes they have any reason that these two shouldn’t get married, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Apparently, the only person that can’t tell that Sam is joking is Crowley, who dramatically rises from his seat before being aggressively tugged down by Ellen (Dean’s fairly sure that’s Rowena’s laughter he can hear).

“Well… let’s get this show on the road, I guess. You two wrote your own vows, right?”

Cas smiles up at Dean. “Mind if I go first?”

“You always were the first to confess your feelings,” Dean smirks back.

Cas takes a moment to study his features before starting. “I may have been the one to pull you from Hell, Dean, but truly it was you that saved my life. I’ve said it before, but you changed me, molded me into a better version of myself, and I’ve never been so grateful for anything in my life. Without you, I never would have experienced any of these pesky human emotions, but I couldn’t imagine being without them now. Even the greatest feeling of despair is worth a second of the joy I feel when I’m in your presence. My love for you has broken past the control of Heaven, of Hell, of Purgatory and the Empty, even Chuck, and I plan to keep on loving you for the rest of eternity, if you’ll have me.”

Dean had promised not to cry, but he couldn’t help the tears that sprung to his eyes. He gives a little nervous laugh, shaking his head and glancing at the ground for a moment before meeting Cas’ eyes once more.

“I swear, I had this whole thing written down and rehearsed, but, uh, it seems so stupid compared to that.”

There’s a laugh at that, and Dean gains some confidence.

“I, uh… I’ve never been good at saying how I feel. But, I gotta say, you’re it for me, buddy. I don’t - I didn’t really think I was worthy of love, for a long time, ‘til I met you. Actually, ‘til long after I met you. But now… being with you, it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. And I know that no matter what happens, no matter how many times you mess up my kitchen,” - Sam snorts at this - “I’ll always keep on loving you. As, uh, as I think I once said… you’re a gift, Cas, and I intend on keeping ya, if that’s alright with you?”

Cas’ grin is so wide, Dean is sure it must be hurting him. In fact, he knows it aches, because there’s a matching one etched onto his face.

“Right, then, uh… Jack, you have the rings?” Sam interrupts, after giving them a moment.

Jack seems to pop out of thin air - it’s entirely possible he did - holding two boxes, handing one to each of them before plonking himself on the front row, practically on Kevin’s lap.

“Castiel, do you take Dean Winchester to be your unlawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health?”

“I do.” A tear slips from Cas’ eye as he slides the ring onto Dean’s finger. Dean cups his face, rubbing his thumb over his cheek to wipe it away, the metal of his new ring cool against Cas’ skin.

“And Dean, do you take Castiel to be your unlawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health?”

“I do,” he replies, slipping the matching ring onto Cas’ hand.

“Well, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom.”

“Finally,” Dean mutters, wrapping his arms around Cas’ neck and tipping him dramatically, before leaning in for a kiss. There’s a whoop from the audience - probably Charlie, Dean thinks - and then Cas laughs against his neck as he rights them again.

“Is it time for the free booze yet?” Bobby asks, his usually grumpy expression twisted into a fond smile, and Dean lets out a full laugh. 

“Just give me one sec,” he replies with a wink, before dragging Cas - _his husband -_ into another passionate kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a little bit of writer's block with this one - I really didn't know how to write their vows, and it seemed really important! In the end, I just kind of gave up and imagined things that they would actually say, so I hope you like them. And I did promise you the actual ceremony, so here! 
> 
> The next chapter, if all goes to plan, involves some drunk dancing and some speeches. :)


	7. The One With The Dancing

“So, a honeymoon is just a sex holiday?” Jack asks, and Kevin nods seriously.

“I don’t think you’re a very good influence on the kid,” Claire sighs, her eyes following Kaia around the room as she helps to move the chairs out the way so there’s space to dance.

Kevin shrugs. “Not my kid. Not my problem.”

“Are Dean and Cas going to have sex?” Jack says, entirely sincere, and Claire drops her head into her hands and groans.

{o0o}

“I would like to make a toast,” Sam declares, holding his champagne glass up, “to twelve years of unbearable sexual tension!”

“To twelve years of unbearable sexual tension!” everyone repeats in unison. Dean downs the rest of his glass in one go, and Cas blushes so hard it’s a surprise the light fixtures haven’t exploded yet.

“I don’t have a whole speech,” Mary says, quickly standing up, “but I just want to say that I’m proud of you boys, and I’m glad you found happiness in one another.” She sits down abruptly, seeming mildly embarrassed, but Dean smiles softly.

“Thanks, mom.”

“Is that all of them?” Sam asks, scanning the room one more time to see if there is anyone who hasn’t given a speech. “Anyone else got something to say?”

Crowley opens his mouth to speak, but he’s interrupted when Becky drops her glass of champagne onto his shoes, apologising loudly and profusely. Jo’s not sure who invited her, but the woman’s complete lack of shame has come in useful at least twice so far. She’s not the only one fangirling over the wedding, but she certainly is taking it to another level.

“So, I guess it’s time for dancing, then!” Sam says, raising his glass, and everyone cheers.

Sure, Jo has only known Charlie for a brief amount of time, but when _Can’t Help Falling in Love_ comes over the speakers, she is so surprised she swivels her head to find her in the crowd.

She’s sat across from Jo, a smug smile on her face as she watches Dean and Cas stumble into the middle of the space they have created. When she catches Jo’s puzzled expression, her grin gets even wider, and she mouths a single sentence across the dancefloor: _fan fiction made me do it._

Jo snickers. That really should be her motto.

{o0o}

“God, this is so awkward,” Dean mutters into Cas’ neck as they sway together. Sure, Elvis is miles better than he had been expecting - giving Charlie control over the playlist is an exercise of trust he’s pretty sure he’ll never be quite ready for - but it’s still weird to be dancing with Cas in front of all their friends and family.

“You’re thinking too much,” Cas grouches, wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck and looking up at him. 

“Sorry.” They twirl together, and Dean has never felt more ridiculous in his life. He can almost feel every eye in the room on him, and he absolutely hates it.

“Dean,” Cas says, interrupting his train of thought. “Relax.”

Dean does as instructed and tries to force the tension from his arms, relaxing his death grip around Cas’ waist. He takes a deep breath and looks down at the man beneath him - _his husband_ \- and he feels instantly calmer.

“I love you,” Dean whispers. They had their big declarations earlier on; this is just for Cas’ ears.

Cas gives him a soft smile in return. “I will love you for eternity, Dean Winchester.”

Dean huffs as the song slowly comes to an end. “Always got to upstage me, huh?”

“Maybe,” Cas grins, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Suddenly, Dean is being tipped backwards, falling towards the floor only to be caught by Cas’ unfailing grip. 

“Dumbass,” Dean smiles, and Cas leans down to kiss him.

{o0o}

Apparently, Charlie is a tad more predictable than everyone thought, because just as the last notes of Elvis fades away, he’s replaced with _Accidentally in Love._ Claire snorts, wondering whether Dean classifies as Shrek or Fiona in this circumstance, as she weaves through the crowd looking for Kaia.

“Claire?” a familiar voice asks from behind her. She doesn’t take her eyes off the dancers, skimming over each face.

“Yeah, Cas, Jack is fine. Kevin can handle him for five minutes while I dance with my girlfriend.”

There’s an awkward silence so long, that she finally turns around to see what prevented a response. The first thing she sees, instead of the ever familiar crinkled suit or the messy hair, is the name tag. _My Name is Jimmy._

She hesitates, searching his face, and it doesn’t take more than a quick look to tell that that is decidedly _not_ Castiel. _Shit,_ she thinks, her brain roaring with static and not much else. _Did I just come out to my very religious father?_

“Claire,” her dad says, and it’s weird that his voice sounds strange coming from Cas’ mouth. It should be the other way around,she knows that, but over the years Cas had done more for her than her father ever had.

“Dad?” she asks, her voice at least a pitch higher than usual. The last time she had seen him alive was that day from so long ago, when he had left her and her mum once more.

“Yes, sweetie,” he replies, his face melting. “I just wanted to-”

“What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t seem surprised to hear that question. “Ellen bumped into me on the street and invited me.”

“Oh.” Claire’s not really sure what to say to that. She can’t help but wonder whether or not Cas and Dean know he’s here, or if he’s flown under the radar so far. She sends another cursory glance across the dance floor before deciding that babysitting duty with a depressed nerd and God is much better than having this conversation. “I, uh… I gotta go-”

“Claire!” comes Kaia’s voice, and she doesn’t know whether to be relieved or even more worried. He’s gotta be at least somewhat not-homophobic to be at a gay wedding, surely? “Claire, I’ve been looking for you everywhere, you gotta know that your-”

Kaia comes to a sudden stop in front of them, her eyes dropping to the nametag. “Uh, nevermind.”

“Oh, it’s you,” Jimmy replies, smiling slightly. “Did you clear up the glitter?”

_The what?_ “Oh yeah, we did. Uh, thanks for the tape.”

“No problem.” 

They stand there in awkward silence for another minute, not sure what to say. Claire feels like she could scratch herself out of her skin just to escape this conversation, but Kaia cautiously takes her hand, and she’s never felt more grateful to have her there.

“Claire, I just wanted to say… I’m sorry,” Jimmy finally says.

“Right,” Claire responds, and his face drops a little. This probably wasn’t going as he was expecting.

“I can’t say I wish I’d never left you in the first place - “ Claire snorts at this, rolling her eyes. “-but I wish I had been able to come back. I never meant for it to end like that.”

“Good for you,” Claire responds, absolutely done. “For the record, I am pretty glad you said yes, because Cas and the Winchesters and Jody and Donna and all the other amazing people I met because of your stupid deal were better parents than either you or mom ever were. So, there,” she finishes, feeling like a toddler having a meltdown.

Jimmy looks a little hurt at that declaration, and she can only stand to look at his sad expression for a few seconds before sighing and backtracking a little. “Look… maybe we can meet up properly, at some point, talk it out properly? I’m not kidding when I say I’m supposed to be babysitting God right now.”

He smiles, just a little, and Kaia squeezes her hand. “That would be nice.”

{o0o}

“Kevin,” Jack starts, and it takes all of Kevin’s remaining willpower not to slam his head into a wall repeatedly. “Can I go dance?”

“I don’t dance,” he replies, suddenly seeing a way out of this mess. “But I think I see one of your dads over there. You could go ask them?”

Jack bounces up and down in his seat. “Really?”

“Sure.” 

Jack is up and bouncing across the room before Kevin even has time to blink, colliding with at least a dozen guests before worming his way into the middle of Cas and Dean. Kevin groans, rubbing a hand down his face, before standing up. It may be Heaven, but this place must have a bathroom he can get drunk in, surely?

As he skirts around the edge of the crowd, praying no one asks him any questions, he spots Jack one more time. They’ve created some kind of circle, Dean, Cas, Sam, Eileen, Claire, Kaia and Jack all holding hands and dancing together, wide grins on their faces.

Kevin can’t help but smile a little at that as he disappears down a hallway. The Winchesters may be a giant pain in his ass, but no one can deny that they do make a pretty good family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took a bit longer to get out, this chapter really fought me! I've also been busy with two other fics recently - my DCRB entry, which I posted last week, and another fic I've started writing which may or may not have something to do with Eurovision...
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! Hopefully, next week you might even get two chapters, as a treat :)


End file.
